Year 2009. I joined as a creative honcho in an obnoxiously famous advertising agency in Gurgaon. It would take me a lifetime to reach office, three to the client’s office and eight to come back home.
Why did I join?
Don’t ask!
Anyways!!!
The first couple of weeks were very busy. I was in and out of meetings – clients, teams, orientation and what not, basically all the usual big agency theatre. So much so that I was thoroughly worn out and disoriented by the end of the day.
And my daily dose of beer increased many folds.
Over the next few months the number of meetings reduced but my daily dose of beer remained the same. Wait, I can offer an explanation…
It was a tough job – pleasing the boss, pleasing the client, pleasing the colleagues. I know it sounds rather dubious but you get the drift.
My eating habits went for a toss, my sleeping pattern lost its pattern, my physical activity was reduced to sitting eighteen hours a day…
And to top it all, I had started visiting the washroom more often than it looked decent. Every half an hour I would get up and amble to the Men’s to relieve myself.
My bladder and I were in a conversation constantly ‘To Pee or Not To Pee’ was never a question.
I thought maybe, I was stressed.I took up yoga, but the problem was still there.
Maybe it was beer, maybe this, maybe that…
What it looked like now was that I had all the symptoms of a diabetic patient. Oh no!
I consulted a doctor, and he diagnosed immediately – Diabetes. He asked me to get all the tests done – fasting, PP and that icky yucky pee in the bottle test too!
Being a bong I was shattered to the core. Not for the pee in the bottle test, but for the fact that now – No mishit/mithai/sweets
The moment of truth came and to everybody’s surprise, including my own, I was non-diabetic.
But sadly, my problem continued.
One day a colleague of mine mentioned the same symptoms
Very soon I realised that almost everybody had the same problem in the office.
The loos were occupied all the time!
One day while waiting outside the washroom, with nothing to do but stare at the door, I noticed something.
I must have surely noticed before, so I should say I registered something.
Our office had hundreds of feng-shui fountains, literally hundreds of them, hidden in every nook and corner, in every shape and size. Water rushing from Buddha’s palms, from mermaids’ tails. Water passing through bamboos and falling from wooden bowls. Water water everywhere…
Eureka!!! I had solved the peeing puzzle of our office.
And here it goes –
Different sounds elicit different physical responses in different people.
For example, the sound of running water sounds pleasant to some people as it helps them relax. But for others, it can create a strong urge to relieve themselves.
In my particular case, the sound of running water from the hundreds of strategically placed feng-shui fountains in the office was the culprit. And perhaps, everyone in the office felt pressured for the same reason.
Remember Bhaskar Banerjee (Amitabh Bachchan) with Bodhan in Peeku? The Washroom scene? Believe me, it’s not just the kids, even adults get triggered by external stimuli, in this case the sound of running water.
All these feng-shui fountains were like short-range acoustic weapons, their sound controlling our bladders and forcing us to run to the washrooms.
I presented my findings and conclusions to the managing committee and advised them to get rid of all the lovely but trouble-making fountains, or at least reduce them by half.
The Committee discussed and they replaced all the fountains with small reflective glass pyramids, and now we are all looking at hundreds of rainbows in office everyday. Queer parade. Better any day than our loo parade!